Thursday, April 21, 2011

Get your boobs out of your pockets, etc...

The female form is amazing. As straight as I am, I truly, madly, and deeply appreciate the beauty of a woman. Please appreciate yourselves, too. There are few, if any, fashion, hygiene, or maintenance issues we cannot fix, or have fixed.
So here I am on my soap box bitching about all the things I can't stand.
1. Get your boobs out of your pockets. One of our "largest" female assets are our breasts. And if propping them up appears to tighten my waist and add sexy to my curves, I'm all in! Because when you let your boobs hang in the wrong, loose, bras it does you no favors. It ruins your posture and sickens your appearance. Or, sickens me when I see you appear. Sorry.
If you are part of the more than 80% of women that are wearing the wrong bra size, you obviously aren't alone. But, there's help. Most lingerie stores offer complimentary bra fittings. Take advantage of this. Everyone, take advantage of this. Life changes your boobs. Whether it's weight loss, weight gain, pregnancy, hormones, or time your boobs WILL change. Commit to a yearly bra fitting. It's free!
2. Facial hair bothers me too. I've seen women that maintain a well manicured mustache, and maybe they think I should cut them a break. Nope! My blog. My opinion. Unless you are making good money in a travelling circus it's totally unnecessary and masculine, in my opinion. Spas and most nail salons offer facial waxing for less than $20 per area. There are creams and at home kits too. There are threading kiosks in malls. You even have the option of braving it through electrolysis, the practice of electrical epliation to permanently remove hair. You have options, other than to be satisfied going through life with a handle bar mustache, goatee, full beard, and/or caterpillars for eyebrows.
Facial hair is not the end of the world. Every woman has a little lip fuzz, a few crazy chin hairs, or insane eyebrows. We all have to manage this. Manage it!
3. Hygiene. Practice good hygiene especially in the key area. Again there are products marketed specifically for the cleansing, freshening, and/or managing of the female hot zone. This is so important. You can be the prettiest and best dressed, driving the perfect car to the most fabulous house, but none of that matter is your body isn't well taken care of. Most people will never tell you this, but they will tell others about you.
If you have tried and failed at this, there's probably a bigger problem at hand. You should make an appointment with your doctor, immediately.

Does your outfit make sense?

Recently, I was at a casual function when I was approached by a young lady in a striped navy and white cotton tank, gray faded skinny jeans, and suede taupe round toe wedges. Huh? I get the tank and jeans, it's casual, but suede wedges? You make no sense. And, you topped it off with plastic faux pearl kiddie jewels in yellow and on stretch cord. I can't handle it. It makes me want to push you down and roll you under a table. Not to hurt you, but to get rid of you and your ensemble.
I understand quirky. I love quirky, oddity, and individualism to a point. But, it's a clearly defined point that is summed up by saying no ridiculousness...please.
I got this book called What to Wear When by Hillary Kerr and Katherine Power. It was a gift with a purchase from their shoe line on The beautiful Ms. Parker. And, it took my current fashion faux pas annoyance up another 10K levels. This book exists because it's frighteningly relevant. Because, for whatever reason people have a difficult time piecing together a sensible outfit. It's time to fix that once and for all!
Ask yourself some key questions as you make wardrobe decisions. This will help you make appropriate choices.
1. Where are you going?
2. Is this an indoor or outdoor function?
3. Is there a stated or implied dress code?
4. What time of year is it?
5. What's the weather like?
6. What are your responsibilities?
7. Who's going to be there?
8. Do these pieces make a sensible outfit?
I run these questions through my head at every wardrobe change, with the weather channel blaring in the background.
Fashion is not easy. It is intentional. Proceed with caution.

Thursday, February 3, 2011


I found this interesting and wanted to share. It makes me wonder if the color I wear will influence my mood.
is the warmest of all colors.
is the color most chosen by extroverts.
symbolizes passion and love.
is associated with warmth.
means life and energy.
is a power color.
is one of the healing colors.
is said to increase food cravings.
stimulates enthusiasm and creativity.
means vitality with endurance.
represents thoughtfulness and sincerity.
driving characteristic is curiousity.
symbolizes exploration of new things.
means creativity and spice for life.
is bright and sunny.
is creative and intellectual energy.
symbolizes wisdom.
means joy and happiness.
brings clarity and awareness.
comes with a sense of establishment.
can clear the mind, making it active and alert.
can relieve panic, nervousness, and exhaustion.
is the color of nature, fertility, and life.
is the most restful color.
symbolizes self-respect and well being.
is the color of balance.
means learning, growth, and harmony.
is safe.
is favored by well balanced people.
symbolizes healing.
stands for good health and growth.
is the coolest color.
is the color of inspiration, sincerity, and spirituality.
is often the chosen color by conservative people.
is the calming color.
is soothing and the color of truth and moderation.
stands for good friendships.
symbolizes calm and relaxation.
stands for good communication.
means solitude and peace.
is the color of good judgment.
gives peace of mind and spiritual fulfillment.
is good for mediation.
has been used to symbolize magic and mystery.
represents royalty.
is the color of purpose.
symbolizes imagination and balance.
is the color of universal love.
is a quiet color.
represents beauty.
helps neutalize stress and violence.
symbolizes caring, tenderness, and acceptance.
means love.
represents self-worth.
is relaxing.
represents women's health and beauty.
is the color of purity.
means kindness.
is complete energy of light.
stands for wholeness and completion.
stands for openness and truth.
can move towards every color.
means new beginnings.
clears clutter and obstacles.
brings mental clarity.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

LEGGINGS or tights?!

She was in line ahead of me at McAlisters, the eatery. She was with a friend. They were talking about something irrelevant, and I was annoyed with their chatter. Then I looked down and notice that she, like many, had confused tights with leggings. Her petite shape and tunic kept it from being vulgar or offensive, but not ridiculous.

This has been a problem every since the return of the leggings. Outside of the fact that leggings shouldn't be worn by just everyone. They aren't forgiving, and the tunic and the dress need to be legging staples. Outside of those VERY important things, leggings and tights are two different things. No matter if they are cropped, colored, or embellished, if you can see through them...AT ALL...they aren't appropriate as leggings.

I could clearly see her legs through her tights, and when she dropped her straw I held my breathe and looked away. Thank God she'd learned to bend at the knee and not at the waist. I'm sure the midlife crisis in line behind me almost shit himself in anticipation though.

So if not for yourself, for me, don't be confused between leggings and tights. Don't just trust the packaging. Use common sense to be sure that I can't see straight though your faux leggings, AKA tights.

Happy New Year

As we embark on a new year, many people are making their resolutions, what they plan to do new or different this year.
The gym will probably be packed and banks will probably see less overdraft charges. Bills will be paid on time, and everyone will hold on to their merriness and holiday patience and love. This will last until the end of January, or maybe longer depending on how long it takes for the tax refunds to run out.
January is the honeymoon period. It's that time when everyone is on their very best behavior. But, it's typically downhill after this.
So I propose that before you change everything about yourself for just 31 days, you forgo the resolutions. Crumple up the paper you've written them on today, instead of later this year, and throw it away, instead of later this year. DO NOT make any more resolutions; instead, make decisions. Have goals. Establish a plan. This year, make changes in your life or plans for your life that are challenging, but attainable. Don't give yourself a 12 month, or 31 day, due by date. Take all the time you need to be who you feel you need to be, accomplish what you want to accomplish, or tackle what you want to tackle.
Happy New Years! CHEERS!!!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

"these are a few of my favorite things..."

Fashion trends change constantly, but there's always something I'm obsessing over. So today, because tomorrow could be totally different, I am obsessed with skinny belts and ruffles.
My love of skinny belts is simple. They are ALMOST ALWAYS appropriate. They define the waist, add some elegance, and provide an opportunity for creativity. I belt dresses, dress shirts, cardigans, blouses, and tunics. Any top that's not gathered at the hem, dress that doesn't have a defined waist showing outside of the belted area, or item that's not overly bulky can probably be belted. Those are general rules, but let your fashion eye be your guide.
Ruffles are new in my adult life. I'd put them on my children only list below white patent leather shoes and bubble jackets. But, I was wrong. When done correctly, in moderation, they are flawless! I love tuxedo ruffles whether they're simple or exaggerated. Just remember to make ruffles the, or a major, star in the show. When ruffles have to compete with over the top other looks, everything loses.
As trends recycle, or up cycle, themselves, the classics remain the same even with accessories. Staples will out live the pierced lip and have long since killed the ankle bracelet. My constant favorites are big bangle bracelets and dangle earrings...WOWZA!
Bracelets, an old fashion faithful! I adore all bracelets, but bangles have changed my life! I feel naked without bangles up to my armpits. But you can't just put on every bangle you own and call it fashionable, you have to have a plan. I am careful to coordinate color, pattern, metals, sizes, and shapes. I only wear them on my left wrist, always my left wrist. I'm right handed and the bulk can impair the 1000 times I have to put pen to paper in a day. I make sure to separate my metals with wood or a ribbon wrapped bracelet in the office. Noise HAS to be a deciding factor in bracelet wearing!
And the earrings, may God bless a bold earring! They are just...necessary. There's no bigger opportunity for a subtle statement. Earrings, for me, are the most feminine and expressive accessories you can wear. They make my day. You should never, NEVER, leave home without earrings! NEVER!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Fit, Flaw, Flattering

I am curvy. Voluptuous. I'm kinda pear-ish. I have broad shoulders, and I'm busty. My figure is okay, but I need toning. I need lots of toning. Lord knows!
I am sure of my body. Knowing the best fit and the flaws of your shape are essential in knowing how to dress yourself. But it's only part of the process. I'm certain there's nothing skinny about a skinny jean when they're on me, but if not skinny jeans then what?
1. I like a heavier weight denim. Light weight denim can be like wearing blue t-shirts for pants when not done correctly. Every flaw could be displayed.
2. My hips and thighs need balance. I need volume on the lower half of my legs.
Now as easy as this may now seem to figure out, all together they create a new set of hard to figure out restrictions. Heavy weight denim isn't difficult, but it doesn't mean the hard just shy of black denim favored by some laborers. I want the medium weight, I guess, carried in most retail shops.
Balancing my leg is best done in boot cut jeans. Flare leg jeans are confusing and awkward on my short stems. Wide leg jeans tend to make my legs look shorter and wider than what they really are. I need something that follows my leg comfortably to the knee, then with a slight flare goes on to the floor. I need boot cut jeans. Trouser jeans follow a similar route without the slight flare. They are a more fitted version of the wide leg. Trouser jeans can work for me, but my heart belongs to boot cut.
Generally speaking, I focus on my waist a lot. Showing that my waist is slimmer helps define an hour glass shape with my curvy lower half and voluptuous bust line. This makes me feel more feminine. *Side note: I love the word voluptuous!
I also am famous for using accessories to manipulate the eye. *Rule: Add color, sparkle, or oddity where you want peoples eyes to fall on you.
I need v neck tees. Although I wear the occasional crew neck t-shirt, it's not often. They add emphasis to my already broad shoulders. I'm more balanced in a v neck. But with t-shirts it doesn't end there. I go for a soft cotton tee with a cut that's flattering to the female form. Because, boxy is only appropriate when it's an impeccably styled Chanel tweed jacket.